Jokes

One morning, I got up early to play golf. I dressed quietly, made my lunch, grabbed my golf clubs, and slipped quietly into the garage. Out of nowhere came a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 miles per hour. I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather…

Dirty Little Johnny jokes around while sitting in class bored. When the teacher says to the class, the first one to answer these questions correctly can leave right now. Little Johnny knows he’s the smartest in the class, and is ready to go home and play Fortnite. The teacher asks the class who said, “I…

David Hasselhoff goes into a bar and sees a guy with a really big lighter. Hasselhoff asks the man, where did you get such a big lighter? The man replies, see that man playing piano over there? He’s a genie and he’ll grant you one wish if you tip him. So Hasselhoff walks over to…

A nerdy son tells his father, I’m so happy, “I have a beautiful imaginary girlfriend.” The father sighs and says, “You know you could do better.” Thanks dad, the son says. “That means a lot.” The father shakes his head and says, I was talking to your beautiful girlfriend. Spanish Version: Un hijo nerd le…

Why did the police officer arrest the duck? Because he was selling quack. How does the moon cut its hair? E-clipse it. When my wife told me I needed to stop. Impersonating flamingos. I had to put my foot down. How does a pilot like his sandwich? Plain. My wife called me at the bar…

Donald Trump and his driver were cruising along a dark country road one night when all of a sudden they hit a pig, killing it instantly. Trump told his driver to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what had happened to their pig. About one hour later, Trump sees his driver…

What kind of candy do astronauts like? Mars bars. Why don’t sharks eat clowns? Because they taste funny. Do you want to hear a construction joke? Sorry, I’m still working on it. What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato. What does a pig put on before going to the pool? Oinkment. What…

What did they call Batman when he was little?Lil Wayne What’s Batman’s favorite fruit?Ba na na na na na na na na na na na na na Batman What did Batman get when he was at the store?He Got-Ham Where does Bruce Wayne get his energy to fight?Bat-teries What is Batman’s favorite beverage?Vigilan-Tea Spanish Version:…

Did you hear the one about the rude turkey? It was being jerk-y. What sound does a turkey’s phone make? Wing, wing. How does a turkey travel? In a gravy train. What did the turkey say to the computer? Google, Google, Google. What would you get if you crossed a turkey with a ghost? A…

What is the day after Black Friday called? Broke Saturday. On Black Friday, I got an iPhone 15 for my husband. I thought it was a good trade. Spanish Version: ¿Cómo se llama el día después del Black Friday? Se rompió el sábado. El Black Friday le compré un iPhone 15 a mi marido. Pensé…