Jokes

Dr. Oz and his wife were having a big argument one morning over breakfast. As things got heated, Dr. Oz shouted at his wife. “It is my professional opinion as a doctor, that you are horrible in bed.” He stormed out and went to work. A couple of hours later, Dr. Oz was feeling guilty…

Dr. Octavius was driving down the road when a policeman stopped him. The officer looked in the back of Dr. Octavius’s truck and said, “Why are these Madagascar penguins in your truck?” Dr. Octavius replied, “These are my penguins. They belong to me.” “You need to take them to the zoo,” the policeman said. The…

A man was sitting on the back porch with his wife when suddenly, he blurted out, “I love you.” “Is that you or the beer talking?” She asked. Neither, he replied. “It’s me. Talking to my beer.” Spanish Version: Un hombre estaba sentado en el porche trasero con su esposa cuando, de repente, soltó: “Te…

Mel Gibson stumbles into a bar and says, “Give me a beer before the problems start!” He drinks the beer and then orders another saying, “Give me a beer before the problems start!” The bartender looks confused. This goes on for a while. And after the fifth beer the bartender is totally confused. And asks…

A businessman walked into the office and found Leonardo da Vinci painting the walls in the conference room. Da Vinci was clearly sweating a lot as he was wearing two heavy jackets on this hot summer day. Thinking this was a little strange, the businessman asked Leonardo da Vinci why he was wearing two jackets…

Ghost of Maine, the rapper, was at home on Halloween night with his wife Skye Fires. When there was a knock on the front door, he peeked through the curtains to see who it was and then shouted upstairs to his wife. “Honey, there’s a witch at the door. What shall I do?” Skye shouted…

Betty White walked into a pet store. And found a parrot she really liked, and asked the owner if she could buy it. The owner said, “heck no! That parrot has a bad mouth! Trust me you do not want that parrot!” Betty White said, I can teach it good manners. But, when Betty got…

Mr. Beast went to the doctor and patiently sat in the waiting room. After a few minutes, a nurse called him in to see the doctor. The doctor welcomed Mr. Beast and asked, How can I help you? Mr. Beast replied, “Doctor, I’m addicted to YouTube.” The doctor, looking a little confused, replied, “I’m sorry,…

Jane Goodall, the world famous primatologist, gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver looks in her and says, “ugh, that’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen.” Jane Goodall walks to the rear of the bus and sits down angrily. She says to a man next to her, I can’t believe it. “The…